Lol Effin People

So at 6am the phone rings. Its my day off and my chance to sleep in past 5am, so the phone can go screw itself at this point. I wake up 2 hours later and go check the message. It's the ManLady( this neighbor chick who I swear at one point had to have been the owner of a penis). She called to let us know that she was up late last night and that the dogs barking at 6:30am are being very loud and was wondering if someone could take them inside. First of all, I dont give a shit how late you were up last night, thats your problem. Second of all how dare you call here at 6:30am who the eff does that!? And thirdly, they werent even OUR dogs bahaha. Our dogs are as lazy as I am, they donbt get out of bed until 9am. They were in bed with me at 6 am. So guess what I did. I called her ass when I woke up. Let her know that FYI it was our dogs barking and that we werent the only one with dogs in the neighborhood. She replied "Sorry, I just dont like being woken up at 6:30" I said "Yeah, I dont either". She then realized perhaps it was slightly rude to have called so early. Yeah....ya think!? Jeebus lady who do you think you are. Granted this lasy is slightly koo koo for coco puffs. She brings by plates out out of code bakery products from Costco whenever she wants us to move our boat/cars from the bottom parking space so she can use it for when she has guests over. Not gonna happen lady. Your driveway can fit 10 cars, AND that boat hasnt been moved in 20 years. Thanks for the expired cookies though.

Anyways /rant.

Nothing Tastes as Good as Skinny Feels.

Im pretty sure this bowl of Rocky Road ice cream begs to differ.

Regardless, this is my last day of eating my feelings. It's time to cut the crap...again...and go back to eating healthy. Im tired all the time, and well, my pants dont fit so well anymore. Before anyone assumes..NO...NO...NO...no baybay here. I just eat like crap, and hence my body feels like crap. How can I expect it to tackle 40hr work weeks, and taking care of two kiddoes without giving it the good fuel it needs? Simple answer. I cant. Hence why i fall asleep at 5pm for two hours, and am STILL exhausted at bedtime. So needless to say, I need a change.

So as of tomorrow...no junkfood...no more energy drinks (WAHHH!!), more water and definitely more fruits and veggies. Im going to start going to the gym again too. Ive really slacked on that the last couple of months. Ridiculous that I pay monthly for something I dont even use. So with that said...my arse is going to be back in there sweating it off.

I also want to drop a pants size by the time he comes home. So I have another goal as well. I think I can lose 15 lbs in 6 months. If I cant there's definitely something wrong with me. I think with a little motivation I can do it. I would love to make his jaw drop when he gets home. Granted I dont have a problem in that department now...however... there's a lot I can improve upon. I'd also like to be able to go on runs with him and Gunner and not kill myself after 3/4 of a mile. It looks like some treadmill running and conditioning is in my very near future. So hopefully im actually sticking to it this time and not blowing smoke up my own ass.

Only time will tell, and unfortunately I have a lot of time right now.

It Can Begin Now.

The countdown starts.

Saying goodbye is hard. Saying goodbye twice is even harder. I sat there and watched him walk away. I watched him walk until I couldnt see him anymore. I sat there and cried. Undoubtedly the hardest thing ive ever had to do. I want to jump out of the car, run up and hug him and kiss him one last time. But that would have made it so much harder. So I just sat there sobbing. No matter how hard it was watching him walk away again, I was thankful for one more day. One more day of laughs and kisses and hugs and time with him, the kids, and I all together.

But now it can begin. There are no more goodbyes. Only the anticipation of emails, and phone calls and coming home. Each day that passes will be one more day that brings us closer. I just hope each day flows by fast as possible. I put on a front about being a strong independent woman. I need him.

Life Must Go On.

That's the motto im trying to live by to get through the next six months. Tonight I had to say my potential goodbyes (I might get one last chance tomorrow). It was hard. Im not going to lie, it was pretty much the hardest thing Ive ever had to do. I didnt want him to get out of the car, I didnt want to drive away and have to make the long drive home alone. Ive never been through something like this before. Granted when I was married to Stupid (what I will refer to the ex as) he deployed, but as cold hearted as it sounds...I didnt really care. It didnt phase me all that much. I wasnt in love with him. This time its completely different. It feels like half of my heart is being ripped away from me. I cried. I cried hard the last few minutes with him. I cried hard the entire way home. Ive been home for over an hour now and the tears are still welling up in my eyes. I have to be at work at 6am...and its 10:48...yet im procrastinating on getting in that bed. I dont want to sleep in our bed with his side empty. It's not like this is the first time ive slept without him, but this just feels hard. He's not coming home in two weeks like before. This is six plus months. Six months without my other half. It's going to be hard. But like I said and like he told me tonight, life must go on. As much as I want to sit and mope I cant. Ive got to be strong. For him, myself, and the kids. Theyre going to miss him like crazy too. He's really stepped in and been there for them. This wont be easy for them either. I just have to get us into a day to day routine and hopefully the time will fly by. I have work to go to 5 days a week, a wedding to plan, I have to get Dakota ready for Kindergarten, and I have to finish potty-training Austin. Oh..and I have weight to lose! I have a goal of 130 by December. Not sure how much I weigh now..thats all for another blog another day. I cant let this get the best of me, because it will make it just that much harder. Im not really sure where I was going with this blog and im sure its very jumbled. I just have a lot on my mind and needed to get it out somehow. Im pretty sure this blog will end up being an outlet for me in the next six months.