Life Must Go On.

That's the motto im trying to live by to get through the next six months. Tonight I had to say my potential goodbyes (I might get one last chance tomorrow). It was hard. Im not going to lie, it was pretty much the hardest thing Ive ever had to do. I didnt want him to get out of the car, I didnt want to drive away and have to make the long drive home alone. Ive never been through something like this before. Granted when I was married to Stupid (what I will refer to the ex as) he deployed, but as cold hearted as it sounds...I didnt really care. It didnt phase me all that much. I wasnt in love with him. This time its completely different. It feels like half of my heart is being ripped away from me. I cried. I cried hard the last few minutes with him. I cried hard the entire way home. Ive been home for over an hour now and the tears are still welling up in my eyes. I have to be at work at 6am...and its 10:48...yet im procrastinating on getting in that bed. I dont want to sleep in our bed with his side empty. It's not like this is the first time ive slept without him, but this just feels hard. He's not coming home in two weeks like before. This is six plus months. Six months without my other half. It's going to be hard. But like I said and like he told me tonight, life must go on. As much as I want to sit and mope I cant. Ive got to be strong. For him, myself, and the kids. Theyre going to miss him like crazy too. He's really stepped in and been there for them. This wont be easy for them either. I just have to get us into a day to day routine and hopefully the time will fly by. I have work to go to 5 days a week, a wedding to plan, I have to get Dakota ready for Kindergarten, and I have to finish potty-training Austin. Oh..and I have weight to lose! I have a goal of 130 by December. Not sure how much I weigh now..thats all for another blog another day. I cant let this get the best of me, because it will make it just that much harder. Im not really sure where I was going with this blog and im sure its very jumbled. I just have a lot on my mind and needed to get it out somehow. Im pretty sure this blog will end up being an outlet for me in the next six months.